


Worthy

by DramaticDreamer



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Comfort fic, F/F, Fluff, entirely self indulgent, guranteed sweetness to make your teeth rot, set post-season five
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:20:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24302788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DramaticDreamer/pseuds/DramaticDreamer
Summary: She had everything she had ever wanted. Respect, friends, and, most importantly of all, she had Adora, a version of her who wouldn’t leave, she knew that now. It was a world she had dreamed of, but never dared hope for. So why now, under the cover of darkness, was she left feeling tense and uneasy? What was it about the night that brought her doubts to the surface?
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 152





	Worthy

**Author's Note:**

> So who is still feeling gay as FUCK now that everyone's favorite lesbians are together???
> 
> This is entirely self indulgent fluff right here. Its not the best thing I've written, but hey, I just wanted to see them love eachother since I'm still REELING. 
> 
> And also continue to ignore my in progress fics but shh, Catradora forever. 
> 
> Will I ever stop writing in tiny paragraphs? No probably not.
> 
> I don't usually write a ton of dialogue and I'm a little rusty so please forgive me if it sound stupid. Any critique is welcome, and I'm not gonna be mad if you want to tear this apart.

The castle was still, air calm, settled in a way she’d never experienced. The darkness that creeped across the walls looked nothing like that of the Fright Zone. Instead of its harsh, unforgiving shadow, sucking up all the crevices of light that broke through, there was a faint glow to the room, a shimmering of magic that Catra assumed was supposed to be comforting. Instead, it just made her uneasy. 

Curled around her was Adora, the blonde sleeping peacefully with her arms wrapped tightly around Catra’s middle, happy sighs breathed into her neck, where soft lips pressed lightly against the skin there, the mess of hair that normally prevented such contact was gone, and it was a new sensation for Catra. Though, not a bad one. Adora’s leg was thrown over her own two, preventing her from moving much without detection. The last thing Catra wanted to do was wake her sleeping girlfriend. With all that had happened with Horde Prime, and the rebellion before that, Catra was pretty sure this was the first time in years Adora has slept this comfortably, without any fear or tension in her body. 

_ In fact,  _ she mused,  _ this might be the first time Adora has ever been this happy.  _

And, its not like Catra can’t say the same. It had been two weeks since the battle, since she confessed her love and finally, finally, heard it confirmed in turn. The Rebellion had been slowly picking up the pieces of this new world, and Catra had spent her time side by side with Adora and her friends, working to rebuild what had been lost. They had returned to Bright Moon three days ago, establishing a new council where Catra,  _ Catra  _ of all people had been given a seat at the table, without an ounce of hesitation. 

She had been doted on by Adora every moment that time allowed. In fact, Adora was all over her even when there  _ wasn’t  _ time. An arm wrapped around her waist at they negotiated peace agreements with those in the Crimson Waste. Fingers laced together as they listened in Glimmer’s “Restore Etheria” initiative. A quick peck on the lips, followed immediately by a smile that could light up even the darkest skies every time eyes turned away, even for a moment. The words  _ “I love you.”  _ searing their way into her heart every time they were spoken, a warmth she had never known filling her chest until it was fit to burst. 

She had everything she had ever wanted. Respect, friends, and, most importantly of all, she had Adora, a version of her who wouldn’t leave, she knew that now. It was a world she never dared hope for herself, and here it was, so why was it that when night fell, all she could do was lay awake for hours, tense, and uneasy? What was it about darkness that brought all the doubts swimming in the back of her mind to the surface? 

_ What about the sun makes you think you deserve any of this love?  _

Her body tensed as those words echoed in her mind, swallowing back the whimper in her throat as they burned her skin like she had been struck. An all too familiar guilt began to creep its way to the surface, taunting her as it crashed through her body like a landslide. 

_ You hurt so many people. You nearly destroyed everyone you loved. Adora could have died by your hands too many times to count. And now, here you sit, a monster in the arms of those who foolishly choose to love you. Those who trust you without knowing the truth.  _

_ Those who forgave you, even after everything you’ve done. And you think that you are worthy to indulge in that happiness?  _

Panic started to invade her senses, and Catra suddenly found the body draped over her to be too much, the contact setting her alight with a fire that burned, not soothed. She needed to break free of this hold, and fast, but the last thing she wanted to do was wake Adora. 

Melog, who had been sleeping at the foot of their bed, sensed Catra’s unease. Head tilted to the side, it let out a soft, robotic  _ “Mrrow?”  _ and rose from its sleeping position. 

“Be Quiet.” Catra whispered, glancing over at Adora, who stirred a little bit, but quickly settled back into her slumber. Melog, for its part, seemed to understand the situation, and let out a burst of magic that briefly illuminated the room. 

Next thing Catra knew, she was sitting on the floor in the center of the bedroom, with Adora now clutching tight to a pile of pillows that took her shape. She smiled at the feline creature, patting its head gently. 

“Thanks buddy.” She whispered, glancing up at her sleeping girlfriend, love and guilt mixing together, forcing her to back away. “Watch over her ok? I just need to go for a walk.” 

Melog looked unsure, like it wanted to follow Catra, but it finally sighed and curled back up, blue eyes following its companion as she glided silently out of the room. 

Once in the halls of the castle, Catra allowed herself to breathe. She probably should have grabbed something more substantial than Adora’s white robe, but her short frame was pretty thoroughly covered by the long garment, that admittedly looked much better on her taller, more toned girlfriend. 

As she walked the halls, the sound of her own bare feet against the marble floor only served to increase her uneasiness. The taunting voice in her head grew as the walls around her shrunk, and so she started to run, following the vague memory she had of the layout of the castle until finally she broke through the doors to the roof, panting, and breathing in the fresh air. 

It wasn’t the same as the Fright Zone. There was no machinery, or stench of pollution. There was only light, and stars, and the absent noise of wildlife that had returned to the Whispering Woods. It wasn’t familiar, but it was so much better than the walls that made her feel trapped. 

“Why can’t you just be normal?” She cursed to herself, curling her knees to her chest as she sat on the edge, staring out at the wide expanse of trees below her. It seemed nobody else had trouble adjusting to this new life. Even Adora fell so easily into this new normal, taking on every role put on her and performing them perfectly. A fearless General, as she had been named by Queen Glimmer, a perfect ambassador, a tender healer, the most caring and loving girlfriend. There seemed to be no trace of the uncertain woman who didn’t know what she wanted. 

And god, Catra was so happy for her. So proud of who the woman she loved had become. But she was also so, unbelievably jealous. A familiar resentment that only intensified the guilt she felt that was threatening to eat away at everything she was. She didn’t have a right to complain. She didn’t have a right to anything. 

Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, falling only a moment later as her body shook, allowing herself to give into her own despair. She would need to return soon, to put on a smile and try so very hard to enjoy the life she wanted more than  _ anything  _ else in the world, but for now, old habits were all she could turn to. 

Her tears had soaked through the sleeves of Adora’s robe when a voice sounded from behind her, pulling her from her pity party. 

“You know there’s a balcony in our room, if you wanted to look at the stars, right?” The tone was light, but the worry that was evident beneath it made Catra sick to her stomach. She had meant to be back before Adora woke. 

“I-” Her voice cracked, and she quickly wiped the tears from her eyes as Adora settled herself behind her curled up form, a leg placed on either side of her body, hands caressing her sides in a soothing gesture that eased the tension from her body for only a moment, before she hardened again and looked down, resisting the blonde’s attempt to pull her completely back into an embrace. “I just needed some air. I didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to bed Adora.” 

The sigh was expected, but Adora’s strong arms refusing to relent was not, forcing Catra to uncurl and be flush against her front, a firm hand on her stomach keeping her in place. Catra only tried to wiggle away for a moment before realizing it was hopeless, stilling, but remaining tense in the embrace. 

“I mean it Adora, I just wanted air.” She growled, refusing to meet the gaze she knew was boring down at her. 

“I know you well enough to tell when you lie to me Catra. I can’t believe you don’t understand that by now.” There was no anger in her tone, it was just a sad sort of resignment that made her whole body quiver with disgust at herself for being the one to cause it. 

_ You are once again hurting the person you love. How do you live with yourself?  _

When the silence stretched on too long, Adora spoke again, this time pressing a kiss to her shoulder. “I’ve been trying to give you the time you need to tell me what’s been bothering you, but I can’t - you can’t just sneak away in the middle of the night and expect me not to worry. I wish you would just talk to me.”

Her voice had cracked with emotion, and Catra could sense her hurt. Instantly, her walls shot up. “I didn’t  _ ask  _ you to worry about me Adora. I told you I was fine. What could I possibly have to be upset about?” 

Adora sighed yet again, a noise she made far too often in Catra’s presence. She couldn’t understand why this perfect woman even gave her the time of day. “I love you Catra.” She murmured, “I love you so much. You don’t need to ask me to worry, because I will regardless of whether or not you want me to because that’s what you do when you love someone. I’m not going to force you to do, or say anything Catra, but I...if I’ve done something that makes you pull away from me...if I’m hurting you in some way Cartra I -”

She felt hot droplets burn the exposed skin of her shoulder, and Catra realized suddenly that Adora was crying. Choking back a sob, Adora finally continued “I know I’ve hurt you so much before. I know I don’t always show my love the right way, and I just need to know because the thought of losing you -”

“Adora” Catra interrupted, horrified that she could even  _ think  _ Catra would leave  _ her.  _ Swallowing back the shame she felt, Catra turned in the embrace, settling herself into Adora’s lap fully as she grabbed the other woman’s chin and brought their lips together in a gentle kiss. She hadn’t realized that Adora had picked up on her tension. And what was worse, was that her beautiful, perfect, girlfriend, had started to blame herself. 

“Adora no,” She breathed as they parted, leaning forward to kiss the teardrops staining her cheeks away, “You’ve done nothing wrong. I...I love you too. I promise that this all has to do with my own stupid head.” 

She let her hands run down Adora’s arms, until their fingers interlocked, and were pulled into her lap. Catra brought her gaze down, letting her own tears form as she took a shuddering breath. “I guess I...I guess I don’t feel like I deserve any of this.” Her voice rose barely above a whisper, clear droplets staining Adora’s finger’s as they fell. “I can’t...I can’t help but think that with who I was, and all that I did to you, that I’m the biggest piece of shit alive for thinking I can just be happy now.” 

It was strange, voicing these feelings that had been eating away at her. She didn’t dare look up, afraid to see Adora’s reaction. “I’m afraid that one day everyone is going to wake up and realize that too. And...and when that happens I won’t be able to argue with it because its all true.” 

Adora didn’t say anything right away, just tensed her grip on Catra’s hands as more tears fell. A cloud of panic began to unfold in the feline woman’s brain, screaming over and over again how stupid and selfish she was. How this was it, Adora was going to leave her. 

Finally, after what seemed like a century, she spoke. “Do you want to know what I see when I look at you Catra?” Her tone was deadly serious, causing Catra’s terrified eyes to flick up to meet hers, swallowing back her own fear at the intensity. 

“I’m...not sure.” She answered, glancing away again. 

_ “Catra”  _ Adora insisted, breaking one han free to grab the other woman’s chin, until their eyes met again. “I see you, and I see the strongest woman I’ve ever met. I see someone who grew up in impossible circumstances, with all the cards stacked against her before she even had a chance to learn how to play the game. I see a woman who, when faced with a world that wanted nothing but to hurt her, made her own path and fought for it with everything she had.” 

Pausing to wipe a tear away from Catra’s cheek, she continued, “And yes, you were misguided. You hurt people in your desperation, and that past isn’t something that can be changed.” And there is was, the familiar self hatred began to bubble to the surface again, but Adora didn’t stop, breaking through the fog in her mind. “But you know what Catra? I have also seen you work tirelessly to make amends for that past. You sacrificed your life, your mind, just to get Glimmer home. You worked actively with the rebellion against Prime, despite your fear, and without you we never would have won.” 

“I see it in the way that you worked until your hands bled, and you could no longer stand, to tear down the scar the Horde left on the outer villages, how even when nobody else was still working to rebuild you worked through the night, without complaint. I see it in the way that you throw yourself into every mission without hesitation. The gentleness you showed when worked with the misplaced children of the war, going miles and miles out of your way to reunite families.” 

“Catra, your heart shines with so much love, I’m in awe of you every single day. The person you were before, she doesn’t exist. I look at you, and I see beauty in its purest form, a beauty that cannot be rivaled by even the brightest star. You are filled with so much good, and I spend every single day now wondering how I got so lucky to be the one to love you.”

Catra’s hands were trembling by the end of Adora’s speech, her body falling into a series of sobs that she couldn’t help, heart feeling as if it might burst. Her entire life, Catra had never been told she was beautiful. Never been told she was good. To hear those words, now, to hear that  _ Adora,  _ the very embodiment of everything Catra wanted to be, looked up to her...it meant more than this woman could ever know. 

“ _ I love you.”  _ she finally breathed, seizing her girlfriend’s lips in a fierce kiss, claws digging into the soft silky fabric of her nightgown, holding onto her for dear life. Adora had stolen the breath from her lungs, broken the shadows that threatened to drown her. Kissing her, as so often was the case, felt like living for the first time. As Adora’s hand tenderly cradled Catra’s face, and she returned the kiss, Catra knew that no force in the universe could ever tear her away from this woman. Not even her own mind. 

When they finally broke apart, chests heaving, Catra let her forehead rest against Adora’s, feeling her warmth. “I don’t know if I can make my doubts go away.” She admitted, “But if someone like you sees the good in me, what ground do I have to argue?”

Their lips met again, more briefly this time, and Adora smiled, a familiar glow that seemed to bring light to the whole world. “Oh Catra, I will be here to remind you, even if I have to do it every day for a lifetime, of the good in your heart.There is nothing you can do that will tear me away from you. I will never make the mistake of not choosing you again.” 

Her heart felt full, staring into those blue eyes. For the first time in her life, a peace settled over her shoulders, the tension making them droop as she pressed their bodies together and curled further into Adora’s form, resting her head on the taller woman’s shoulder. Their hands found eachother again, and a purr rumbled in Catra’s throat.  _ “Thank you.” _ she whispered, eyes falling closed. “ _ For loving me.”  _

Strong arms wrapped around her body, a kiss pressed to the top of her head. 

“Always.” Adora promised. 

Maybe tomorrow Catra would feel those same doubts. Maybe, the dark cloud that hung over her would never leave. But she knew now, if that happened, Adora would help her navigate the storm. And maybe she didn’t deserve happiness, but she sure as hell wasn’t going to let that stop her from trying to be worthy. 


End file.
